im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
