Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
