I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
