Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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