Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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