so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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