Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
