Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
