Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize