I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
