I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Of course I have a pirate flag
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
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