Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize