We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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