**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
