ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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