I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
