I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
