Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
