Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
