Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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