Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
