dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
