I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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