this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
