i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
