I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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