i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Life is so much better after having sex.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
