So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
porn star boner night. come get it.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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