can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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