im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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