Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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