You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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