Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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