RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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