we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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