I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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