I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I wish I only lived at night.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
