I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I'm really busy with my period
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