I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
