Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
