You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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