you turned your livingroom into a bong?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
