The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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