I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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