He kissed a someone with a penis
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
This is the high leading the old right now
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
