I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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