my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
