Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
