So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
