Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
