Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
