Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
