My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
