Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
