There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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