i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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