I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
