Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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