So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
