if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
