my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
