im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder meâ€
Randomize
