Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize