does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
