Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
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