You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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