Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
