Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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