@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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