All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
