I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
