i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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