My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
