Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
