last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
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