guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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