Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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