I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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